?

Log in

A yougoolagey for Sebastian

   Sebastian came to me on the dream of my coyote shaman husband.  Wade had adopted a cat we named Ibis, for Thoth's sacred bird, and Thoth took Ibis back young.  Wade was broken hearted , and swore not to get another cat and be open to that heartbreak again.  But then he dreamed of this orange cat.  A specific orange cat, which we spent months looking for at nearly every Chicagoland humane society.  He gave up and said, sometimes a dream is just a dream, it must have just been my mourning, etc.
            Then I came home from work and he was on the couch with a long tailed catolescent orangey.  Sebastian was a love from the get-go.  He played with our other cats immediately, sucked up to everyone at my parents house and was beloved by everyone.  He was a fastidious cat, bathing WAAAAY more than any other cat I've know, with his elegant walrus mustache and big white paws. That long skinny tail became a  glorious brush, and he became a violent hunter of feather toys.
             Sebastian was multi-employed, he was my nurse when I was sick, my secretary during the long slow build to my business opening, a paperweight, a pillow, a killer of invading bugs, and always the first to come running when I would be upset. He sang opera in the studio, with many much-lauded (by the other cats) works such as " The Empty Bowl" and "Where are My Snuggles?"  and "Other Cat in My Spot" as well as humorous works such as " Humans are Squeaky to Bite" and "I'm Not Chasing That Red Dot".  He was pretty awesome, and I can't even lapse into recounting some of his irritating foibles, since he had few.
              I will miss you so much, my love, my basilly bass, I love you.
                            Anubis guide you, Bastet keep you until we meet again.

Tags:

At the end of things

When you start to walk away from the end of things you'll always be headed back. Had this dream about a pilgrimage to the north pole for solstice, and that is what we told each other as the three different groups of travelers made a trefoil around the pole and started out again our separate ways. I was different people in each group, and we were telling stories the entire way, of our lives together and apart.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Visits

"yours all the time, all yours sometimes.". That man is a silver tongued devil. *swoon*

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Denial

Is all of today's thinking. This can't have happened, this can't be happening. It's a truly wretched joke.
It did, it is and it's not.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

A poopy day

I am very low in spirits and kind of hating on polyamory today. Break ups are poopy.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Wrecking ball

One of those days where I want to run a wrecking ball through my life and start from scratch. I got low level circus- ish skills, could I run away and join one?

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Apparently THIS has been bugging me....

In September I went camping at Lothlorien for the Wild Magic festival. It was a very introspective time for me as I was dealing with some personal spiritual issues. Where we usually camp was occupied, so we camped elsewhere. This was fine. As much as I prefer to be by the trickster shrine and Shaman circle, I think it was good to try a different locale. I'm down with a change of scenery. Overall it was a wonderful fest in which I was just the right amount of social for where I was in my head and my life. All of my friends were very respectful about my need for personal time and happy when I joined in the group.

But there was this one instance that keeps GNAWING at me. I tell myself that it's not important; to just let it go. And I do... Then, BAM! I'm thinking about it again and I'm rehashing the conversation and I'm getting annoyed and I'm coming up with things I wished I'd said. When I realize it, I tell myself again, let it go. And I do... for a while...
Perhaps writing about it will make it go away.

It was morning and I was coming back from the showers. Where our tent was set up, was a bit off of another group's circle. Though we knew some of the people in the group, we weren't joining their group. But that morning as I'm walking sleepily along, I find my path blocked. I say good morning, fully expecting the path blocker (PB) to step out of the way. But he doesn't. He instead moves to being directly in my path.
Though not verbatim, this is pretty much how our conversation went:

PB - You don't look very happy.
Me - I'm still waking up. I just got out of the showers and I'm heading back to my tent.
PB - No... I mean, you're not happy.
Me - Just because you don't perceive it, doesn't mean I'm not happy.
PB - No... You're misunderstanding. You're not projecting yourself as happy. You're walking around like this [does a scowly face] and people want to see this [smiles really big]. People who walk around like this [scowls again] are the ones we put to work with their backs to us 'cause we don't want to see their faces.
Me - So... I'm supposed to look happy in a way that you perceive it?
PB - You should make an effort to project yourself as a happy person then more people will want you around.
Me - Ummm, plenty of people want me around. And I am a happy person.
PB - Well, no one would know that with that scowl on your face.
Me - I wasn't scowling I was thinking and...
PB - No, you were scowling. And really, nobody's going to want you around like that... (he goes on for a bit telling me his whole philosophy about how if you project yourself as happy you will have a happier life and he can tell that I don't. I'm irritated at this point and just wanted to get away from him.)
Me - Ok... noted. Now could you move so I can get to my tent?
[he does so with a fucking smug smile.]

I don't like this person. I'm nice to him because he's one of Yoni's clients and he's around the whole Lothlorien crowd. But I do not like him. I think he's a self righteous prick. He's not clever nor is he smart. He thinks he is... but he's not. I shouldn't care what he thinks of me. I don't. So why does this whole confrontation bother me? I think it's because I didn't just laugh in his face when he told me who I was. He doesn't know me and he's trying to tell me MY life? I don't think so. Also, his whole method of blocking my path so that I'd either have to rudely push past him or be very vocal about asking him to move, pissed me off. He's a bully and he was trying to bully me into being happy in the way he thought I should. It was very condescending... one of my hot buttons. And, to be honest, I really wish I'd just told him off.
I do not exist to make you feel better about yourself, you path-blocking bully!

Biking

Yesterday I rode a metric century. 62 miles. I pedaled that bike for five and a half hours, with two breaks.
I set up a pointless ordeal for myself, that served no purpose but to test if I could overcome it. Additionally, the organizers lie, it was actually 63 miles. I wasn't really sure I'd make it, the last 20 miles were just brutality. My back hurt, my crotch hurt, my quads were rubbery and had that slow burn that announces imminent failure, especially on the hills. I almost cried with relief when I saw the finish line banner.
Today, I rode thirty two miles. The things I do for fun...

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Tags:

Irritating dream

Just had a dream I was at the UH's apartment waiting. It was just as irritating in dreams as real life. Then I woke up irritable but I'm pretty over it cuz Inkers is playing mousie fetch with me.
ETA: oh! That's why I was dreaming that! Chowder and I had a growling last night over plans to travel back from Wilde. I'd seen that it was complicated and scrapped group planning, she had been trying to prioritize traveling back together and was bothered that I was no longer thinking of that. Guess my subconscious was throwing in it's two cents about how much I hate planning and executing activities with groups and relying on people to be places. Huh!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Work

Sometimes I have to remind myself that " you're fucking kidding me" is NOT professional communication, no matter how warranted. I have a pile of drawings due up to my eyebrows ( yikes, the paper cuts!!) and you want me to chase your little red dot yet again?!?! I drew what you wanted, and you changed your mind. Twice! I have a bunch of other clients waiting for work!!!!now you want to come in and talk to me during the time when I'm scheduled to work on people who are actually giving me money and not jerking me around?!?!! Screech!!!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

Latest Month

June 2013
S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30      

Tags

Syndicate

RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com